An amazing letter from a grieving mother
I couldn't have said this any better:
She writes:I am not strong.I âm just numb. When you tell meI am strong, I feel that you don't see me.
I will not recover. This is not a cold or theflu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. I will not always be grieving as intensely,but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate her life and love into the rest of my life. That person is part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember her with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.
I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real,but there are just some things in life that are not acceptable.
Please don't avoid me. You can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch myarm, and gently say, I'm sorry. You can even say,"I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that.
Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything" I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need.Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have.
So in advance let me give you some ideas. Bring food; Send me a card on special holidays, birthdays, or the anniversary of the death, and make sure to mention her name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.
Ask me more than once to join you at amovie or lunch or dinner. I may say no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready,and if you've given up, then I really will be alone.
posted by Cynthia @ 6:46 PM
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