My Blog

Insanity or Spiritual Attack????

I wonder what is REALLY going on? So many strange things. I know that I know that God healed me on Sunday night from anxiety, and mental anguish. So why is this stuff happening? Why do the bottles of pills look so inviting? I couldn't do that to my family. Ha listen to me, not that I couldn't do it to myself, I couldn't do that to them after Terra dying the same way so recently. But dang it's tempting. I don't like being alone. I don't like not having my little life together. I don't like it that Kathy isn't coming Mothers day but I understand she's sick. It's just I have a whole hamper of clothes for her. I was soooo looking forward to going to Venice Beach with her. I don't like it that I don't have a credit card anymore, how am I supposed to go to school? I don't have the money or I'd pay it myself but then Bob couldn't pay me back. I guess I could go into my savings but Bob couldn't pay me back because of the taxes. I only have enough in the bank to pay for my car payment and my registration. I'm gonna HAVE TO dip into my savings just to live this month. All I'm gonna get from TBN is probably about $150 max whenever it gets here.
I hate living alone. I guess if I got a job I could do it. Turn Mom's room into my office. But I don't want to live alone. I hate it!! I miss Mom so much, that's why those pills look so good. I want to be with her and Dad. But I know God has great things in store for me. When? I want to do stuff now!! I want to be used of him now!! I want boldness, I want the anointing of the Holy Spirit to be on my life. I hope I can go to Mexico next time they go. That would be so awesome!! I could sing? I can do something. I could collect clothes to pass out ?

posted by Cynthia @ 5:53 PM